If something’s dripping, flooding, boiling, sautéing, or violently sending it downstream, OLSON!!! is your guy.

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He’ll fix your crapper, put you sideways in a massive reactionary wave, cook you dinner, then upsell you a cucumber eye mask and a robe you’ll accidentally steal.

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He’s also an aspiring stand-up comedian blessed with horrific timing and absolutely no memory of the setup. Most of his jokes begin with “Wait… how did that go?” and end several uncomfortable minutes later with everyone helping him reconstruct the punchline.

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On the river, however, OLSON!!! is all business. He can read water, hit lines, swim enormous waves, and explain exactly what you did wrong before your head comes back up for air.

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But beneath the plumbing, paddling, cooking, spa treatments, and poorly executed comedy lies OLSON!!!’s greatest gift:

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He loves you.